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So its been a while.
Hello internet.

I am now an official resident of Vermont, had my stupid awful POM charge dropped (basically) (thank you stupid cop who probably smoked my bomb weed and then lost my citation), have a job (!!!), have a boyfriend with a job (double!!!), AND am still feeling happy and good about life.

BNV was good. I didn't get to spend very much time with Isaac, and Angel couldn't come. But I spent lots of time with Denver, and Hawaii, and CT and my own team which was sweet. Also I lost my voice and had to spend like an hour in Aaron's parent's shower and then hold hot wet towels over my throat for like another hour just to do a single poem. Haha. Silly me. I got closer to Robbie Q, which was excellent.
Post-BNV life was hectic. Moved to Montpelier with mom, dad, the dog and the cat. Plus the boyfriend.
More later maybe. Telling slam stories.


Also if Paulie reads this, telling slam stories makes me miss you.

Okay so I haven't updated this in FOREVER.
So I went to Vermont. With my mom. And we lived in a terrible scary 60's swinger style condo for a week (with the darling boyfriend in tow). While she worked, Cody and I explored, slept, fucked, ate, and generally avoided job hunting. THEN on the last day we were there before him and I left to Rutland and she went home for the weekend, she started talking to me about how I was essentially freeloading and had to stop and blahblahblah. And so Cody was like "Fuck that. Just come home with me". (Which was the plan anyway, but whatever). So I came home with him. And spent like 2 weeks in Rutland, kind job hunting but mostly just smoking and snorting and hanging out practicing my poems. Oh, and skimming the pool. The pool requires a lot of skimming.
But anyway.
So Cody and I are kind of at a weird place now. Not in our relationship, but as far as what we're going to do with our lives. Hopefully we'll get jobs in the Burlington/Shelburne or Montpelier/Barre area, and work for like 6 months to a year, and then we'll be able to move wherever we want (if we still want to). Or we might just say fuck it and look for jobs in Denver and move there and couch surf until we can afford rent. Because I know TONS of wonderful people there, and Cody's best friend from high school, Mitch, lives out there. Or he will, when he gets back from teaching snowboarding in Australia. What? Yeah he's really cool.
BUT ANYWAY.
The time we spent in Rutland was actually a lot of fun. We hang out mostly with Jeremy and Shannon, and at night we usually go to see Mike and he smokes a blunt with us. Fun. Also hanging out with Jeremy and Shannon's kids, Issac and Matthew, has been interesting. Definitely reinforced that I want to work with younger kids, like 1 and 2 because yearlings and toddlers are SO FUN.
So now I'm back in Rhode Island. Today I'll finish packing, shower, head for Jared's, and then have a crazy team dinner/sleep over (with no sleep, I'm sure) and then we leave for Chicago at like fuckin' 4:30 in the morning or some shit. Delightful.
BUT we'll be there nice and early and I'll get to see so many wonderful, beautiful, brilliant, hilarious, loving people. OHMAN. I love BNV. I can't wait for all night walks with Isaac, and late night jams with Myles and Meg and Meesh and Devin and whoever else we can drag along. I can't wait to hear Alycia sing, and watch Corbin cypher, and get ice cream with Angel and Erin and oh gosh. So amazing. I am actually getting excited enough that its making me forget (a little bit) how dreadfully I am going to miss my darling boyfriend. (Seriously, I have separation anxiety major. So I took some of his clothes to make me feel better.)
ANYWAY. My poems are ready. And there's one thats old, but still feels true. And a sex poem. And a poem about Cody. And a poem about Somalia and how foolish we all are. So basically I've got all the important stuff covered.

So that's my life. My parents are worried I'm throwing my dreams away to be with Cody, but as him and I discussed last night, he would follow me to a great opportunity if I had one. I just....don't. And yes, he's a major factor in my plans. But with Cody (and my parents) I wouldn't have had the guts to leave Emerson. And I know that was the right choice. I'm still so happy that I left and don't have to go back. But at the same time, I don't want to start a new life all by myself. I don't want to take on some huge new opportunity alone. When it comes to a job and a place to live and possibly relocating, Cody is the only thing that gives me the guts to do that. I couldn't just move off somewhere on my own, it would freak me out and I'd feel scared and tiny and lost. But with Cody, I can do anything. We can do anything. He didn't take my dreams away, he just reminded me of what they actually are. And its not to tour. And its not to be famous. And its not even to be rich. Its to be happy and loved and bringing beauty into the world. And he helps me do that the best that I can.

Earlier I saw this photo




with the caption
"These people are in their 50s now. Whatever happened to marching in the streets?"
More appropriately, these people are going into their sixties, as are my aunts, uncles and darling parents. And the caption is entirely legitimate. What happened to these people who actually cared about things? What happened to rioting and screaming and bleeding for your country instead of being apathetic losers?
And most importantly, why do I slip so easily into this norm?

I am so proud sometimes.
I want Jared to be home soon though, so we can get together. I miss him a lot when I'm in Boston, and this picture reminds me of some of the reasons why.